Many guys skate along not thinking much about what it means to take charge of their personal life.
Some do refine themselves and their goals on a day-to-day basis, but there are a number of individuals who don’t.
They spend their time hoping, wishing and dreaming for better outcomes with their relationships and the women in their life.
They get a sense that everything is laid out (this is just the way it is), that they are not in control or that nothing can change for them.
It’s a mentality that luck must fall by their side in order for them to become successful or find a great woman.
They believe that being be happy and fulfilled is something that is fleeting or they cannot attain.
One obvious downside to this line of thinking is that it’s so much easier to fall victim to repeated patterns.
The same patterns which will only bring about the same results they have been getting for the past year (or five years).
When it comes to your personal life and self-development nothing could be more detrimental to the connections you share than remaining in this boring and predictable loop.
Following the Routine is Easy
Hit the alarm.
Get ready for work.
Sit in traffic.
Show up for work.
Sit in more traffic.
Rinse and repeat.
Small talk about the day.
Ask her what she wants for dinner (which is a mistake – I’ll explain why soon).
Debate dinner choice.
Sigh and get annoyed.
Settle for whatever.
It’s easy to succumb to the repeated arrangement of the day or even the repeated patterns in your relationship.
Before you know it, days, months and even years pass by.
Routines and patterns are easily established this way.
If you’ve ever had that tortuous back-and-forth about what’s for dinner that I just mentioned, then you know exactly what I’m talking about (and the solution to that problem will be covered in a moment).
Don’t get me wrong here.
All of these elements can be good, needed and do play a significant role in your life.
We do have certain responsibilities and commitments to abide by, especially as fathers, husbands/boyfriends or parental figures.
Structure and routine can be of great benefit in a number of ways.
In-between the routine moments lies something evasive if you fail to recognize it – Opportunity. Tweet this
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how things started to turn stale or where the life and excitement vanished to, then sitting around on autopilot hoping things will change is not going to do you any good.
While wishful thinking can be novel it does little to help you if it’s not backed by a true sense of belief in yourself and ability to take action.
Taking the lead in your life is the answer, but why do so many fail to do so?
Not Taking the Lead in Your Life is Very Easy
While there are a number of factors at play a large part of the problem when it comes to being passive in your personal life derives from indecisiveness.
It’s those little hesitations or situations where uncertainty prevails.
Or maybe you’re having even deeper trouble coming to solid conclusions about where, or who, you are at this point in time.
Minimal doses of indecision are normal for most.
It’s when you find yourself on the fence repeatedly, missing out what many would consider major turning points in life, that it becomes an issue.
Another difficulty some men face is dealing with anxiety.
Having anxiety is the feeling or sense of uneasiness or distress about potential outcomes of the future.
Struggling with anxiety is very common for a lot of men. It can be overcome but it’s a behavior which many never seek to correct.
It can surface when you’re trying to decide what the next logical step is for yourself or even in the form of what some term “approach anxiety” (Being nervous about meeting and talking to women or being rejected by them).
Unfortunately, many women are unaware that men suffer with this type of affliction and they’re left wondering, “where have all the real men gone?”
If you’ve ever been to a social function where single adults gather that looked like a middle school dance, boys on one side of the gym and girls on the other, then you catch my drift.
Anxiety of this nature is directly and indirectly tied into fear.
Fear of looking stupid or embarrassing yourself.
Fear of loss – maybe you do have the girl but are terrified of losing her.
Even fear of success – if you do get her number or that second date – then what?
Ask almost any mature and healthy woman and she will tell you that one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess is confidence – in other words – he takes the lead in his own life and interactions with her.
Actually, I have asked the world’s smartest, sexiest and most insightful women that question.
Taking the Lead in Your Life
So, you know how important it is to be the director in the movie that is your life.
What you acquire and experience personally with your relationships and love life has a direct impact on a number of other important dimensions.
Your physical health and financial acumen can both be affected (positively or negatively) by where you stand in your personal life and how you manage your relationships.
Now I’d like to share with you a few ideas and principles that can help you to be more in charge of who you are and what type of results you acquire.
Being a Leader
Think of leading in terms of providing a direction and at the same time also being open to input and negotiation.
Going back to the “what’s for dinner?” debacle, you must make it a point to be decisive.
Perhaps you actually have no idea what the hell you want for dinner – you still must make a choice regardless.
Decisiveness is the mark of a great leader because leaders make choices then deal with the outcomes as needed.
Instead of reverting to the same old back-and-forth of “what do you want?” just make a damn decision.
Offer up some options or just pick a place to go. Even if you’re not 100% sure choose something.
Then (here’s where the magic happens) open it up for conversation.
Do not ask her “what do you want? or “what do you want to do?”
This is huge mistake on your part as a man.
Because it tells her a few things about you.
A) That you don’t know what you want.
How can you take the lead without having the ability to make a decision for yourself or the two of you?
B) You have no idea what she wants.
A women will almost always prefer a man who ‘gets it’ over a man who appears to have no idea what she wants.
Think about how you interact with your date, girlfriend and/or wife.
A lot of guys have no idea about the frequency of which they dump questions phrased this way on the woman they are involved with.
This is your wake up call to stop it immediately!
If you fumble and trip over small things like dinner and what to do on a Friday night, what is she going to think about your ability to make decsions on a larger scale?
How does this make you look her as a provider and leader?
The key here is to not only focus on being better at making choices, it’s also about opening up the communication process.
As an Acquiring Man, you’re a man of high character and quality so you know that most women want you to take the lead and make decisions, and you do just that, with one special caveat.
You find out what she thinks.
It is your responsibility to respect and value the input of the woman in your life. Otherwise you’re just a bossy control freak or asshole.
Never confuse leading with controlling.
The former is what you wish to refine, the latter is unacceptable.
The beauty behind this kind of philosophy is that you don’t even have to follow or go with your suggestion(s) or decision(s) every time.
It empowers you with the ability to gather the right kind of input on the spot – what she thinks and how she feels – and avoid nearly all the frustration that those other guys are tangling with.
Odds are she knows what she’d like and is willing to tell you, but she’s waiting for you to step into your roll, make a call, then talk about it.
This is the art of working together, which brings us to our next principle.
Bend Without Breaking
Now that you’ve made a decision, and if you’ve followed along and invited her into a discussion (about any topic), it’s now time to focus on cooperation.
Always choose cooperation over compromise; with compromise someone always loses or sacrifices. Tweet this
By cooperating you are working together towards a common goal. By compromising one party must settle or concede.
A great way to think about it is like this:
Cooperation = Win/Win solutions
Compromise = Win/Lose solutions
In almost any situation where one side loses, the two of you lose as a whole.
Don’t be fooled by the masses who chant that to care and love means you must sacrifice.
That may be the biggest load of bullshit ever.
It plays a significant part in the destruction of many great relationships and marriages.
Caring and love are not only feelings, they are verbs.
They are actions. Things that you can proactively do.
When two people exercise their ability to care and love they foster well-being and fulfillment – individually and collectively.
It is with this type of communication where healthy relationships begin to flourish and grow.
Having Confidence and Being Assertive
In addition to being decisive and working towards cooperating, two more aspects to taking the lead in your personal life involve having confidence and being assertive.
Perhaps you’re single and a particular woman has caught your eye. In order to get to that first date with her you have to be able to make it happen.
Confidence in this respect is striking out the doubt, worry or fear over what will (or may) happen and having the courage to ask her out.
More importantly, this shows your level of interest in her and your ability to be direct.
On both the dating and relationship fronts you want to be assertive but not aggressive.
There’s a big difference between the two.
The proper level of assertiveness is being direct in your actions and with your words where necessary.
Aggression, outside the realms of protection or self-defense, is inappropriate and of low character and maturity.
When it comes to your morals and values there is absolutely nothing wrong with standing behind them and exercising the proper amount of assertiveness when needed.
Start Refining Your Skills Today
There are a lot of other variables and principles to consider here but this is a great starting place.
By taking these philosophies into consideration and applying them properly you will immediately start to see a drastic change.
Taking the lead in your life becomes that much more simple.
Taking responsibility for yourself and what you get out of life is easy if you’re willing to look at things in a slightly different way.
Remember to lead, have confidence, the right kind of assertiveness and work on mastering your ability to cooperate (while avoiding compromise).
Just by doing that you’ll feel an increase in self-respect and pride.
You’ll feel better knowing that you’re doing what’s right here; for yourself and for her.
She’ll respect you more for doing so, too.
You can hold your head a little higher knowing that you represent the qualities and characteristics of a great man.
So, have you ever been trapped in the dreaded dinner debate? If so, what typically ends up happening? What are some other ways which would show you are able to take the lead in your personal life? We’re here to help sign up for our free newsletter to get the advice and tips to help you navigate through the tough relationship and dating questions.