Would you like to have more sex in your relationship?
Sounds like paradise, eh?
Unless you are one of those couples that only has hot, steamy sex after a long and arduous battle, then I’d imagine that you’d probably like a little peace in the house. Right?
There are few things worse to worry about during the day than knowing half the time you are going to go home to a fight. Or, that she’s going to do something that drives you mad and you know your temper is going to flare.
Wouldn’t it just be delightful to figure out a way to curb getting angry so that it becomes almost a non-issue? Well, then I’m glad you stopped by to visit because I have a tactic that works like a charm.
And here’s the good thing, you don’t have to use this only with your woman—though that’s who we’ll be talking about today.
Use it with the person at work who you’d like to run over with your car.
Or your mother-in-law who makes you see red with 10 minutes of walking through the door.
We all have triggers that set our hair on fire and I’m here to help you figure out how to reduce those homicidal urges.
I initially shared this information in my book for the ladies, Intimacy: How to Get More of It. But interestingly enough, apparently a lot of my female readers force their men to read that particular section of the book.
As a result, I’ve heard back from many men and women that this strategy for not letting your head pop off at the smallest provocation has brought their lives much more joy and much less stress (and lots more sex!).
So, I thought I’d share it with all you guys out there too.
How To Have More Sex In Your Relationship
I call it the 105 rule.
What, you may ask, is the 105 rule?
This is how it breaks down. When something aggravates me I think to myself, “Am I still going to be mad about this in 10 minutes? 10 hours? 10 days? 10 months? 10 years?”
My reaction to the situation that’s got me fired up is determined by how long I think I’m going to stay mad.
- 10 minutes? Sit and grumble and curse to yourself for a minute (“that son of a bitch F&*^& asshat…”) and then let it go. It’s not worth the stress to harp on it.
- 10 hours? Have a short (VERY short) conversation with your woman but keep it to less than 5 minutes, don’t get riled up, and then let it go. If you won’t care about it tomorrow, is it worth causing a fight that might still bother you (or her) tomorrow? Probably not.
- 10 days? It needs to be dealt with, but don’t beat it to death. While not sweating the small stuff will likely give you a longer and healthier life, you do have to sweat some things. If you are still going to be pissed in 10 days, then you need to air your grievance and find a way to come to some sort of conclusion about it.
- 10 months? This is a real issue that could impact your overall happiness. If something enrages you today that will still be rubbing you the wrong way almost a year from now, then a serious discussion is necessary to iron it out and clear the air. This type of incident is not the kind to sweep under the rug. Doing so will only do further damage to you, to her and to your relationship.
- 10 years? This is likely one of those, “This needs to change or I’m getting the hell out of here,” types of conversations. This is a good reason why I always suggest that couples tell each other what makes them happy, what makes them angry, and what they consider to be deal-breakers early in the relationship. She has to KNOW not to do this kind of deal-breaker stuff or it’s a little harder to hold her to task for doing it (keeping common sense in mind, of course—you may never have explicitly told her not to bed your best friend, but if she does she should know ahead of time that the zombie apocalypse would be a walk in the park compared to your anger, right?). I tell my husband that if he ever cheats that I’m going to bury him in the back yard with all the dead hamsters and chickens. It instills just the right amount of fear… Kidding! Well…sort of.
Less Fighting Means You Get To Have More Sex In Your Relationship
If you do decide that what has happened is important enough to address, then it’s important to broach the subject of your anger in a calm, timely, non-accusatory, non-defensive way.
If the incident is so dramatic that it’ll affect you for a year or ten years down the line, then first give yourself some time to figure out how to respond.
You don’t have to fly into a rage immediately. Sometimes, it’s a great idea to step into another room or the garage and just process. Then you can punch a wall or call her every name in the book while you are alone.
Process the rage or hurt by yourself, and then come up with the most productive way of handling both her and the situation.
So much of learning to curb anger and have a happy life is about selectively picking your battles.
The 10-minute battles are usually not worth fighting about, so most of the time you can just let them roll off your back. Having that kind of attitude will save you from having a million fights about who forgot to buy the milk.
All those tiny irritations just aren’t worth the negative energy and the constant, underlying vibe of annoyance and disharmony. You’ll find that when you and your woman live in a home where you accept each other and don’t pick over the small things, your home will be a more peaceful place to live.
And, heck, it wouldn’t be an article from me if I didn’t also share that a happy woman is FAR more likely to bang you blind.
So, if you (and hopefully her too as you are welcome to share this article with her) find a way to eliminate all the BS fights and have a more content and relaxed home, you are also greasing the wheels for some delicious nookie.
Doesn’t that sound like a lovely life?
Less fights. You have more sex in your relationship. Yep. Sounds great to me!
As always, I wish you much love, a joyful life and lots of happy humping!
Jodi Ambrose is our sex expert here at The Acquiring Man, author of Sex: How to Get More of It (for the guys) and Intimacy: How to Get More of It (for the ladies). She’s also contributed to Playboy radio on the topics of sex, love and relationships. Check out her blog and be sure to follow her on Twitter @JodiAmbrose.