sarcasm in relationshipsSarcasm in relationships starts in the sandbox.

Boy likes girl.

Boy steals girl’s shovel then punches her on the arm.

This is his first attempt at showing affection.

But some guys never make it out of the sandbox emotionally. They switch from stealing and punching to jokes and insults as a means of flirtation.

This is where it can get dangerous.


What is Sarcasm in Relationships?

Humor is really important in relationships.

Women love men who can make them laugh. Being able to make your partner laugh is fun, it can bring you closer together and can get you through the rocky times.

Everyone loves a good joke. But what about when the joke is at her expense?

Enter sarcasm, stage right.

If you’re not sure what “sarcasm” means, the dictionary defines it as:

A mocking, often ironic, remark usually intended to wound as well as amuse.”

If you’re not sure what “ironic” means, don’t worry about it. No one does. Not even Alanis Morissette.

Sarcasm is often referred to as the lowest form of humor, and it can be just that if you don’t know how to use it correctly.

Like most comedy, sarcasm in relationships is an art form. Not everyone can do it properly.

It’s like a painting – a few too many brush strokes and you can go from a priceless 19th century Jesus painting to a horribly restored/disfigured 19th century Jesus painting.

Approaching Sarcasm in the Wrong Way

The main thing with sarcasm is choosing your target.

There’s nothing wrong with being sarcastic about yourself, your life, your surroundings, etc. It shows you don’t take yourself too seriously.

However, once you point the sarcastic arrow at your partner, you need to be very careful before you let the jokes fly.

Some men use sarcasm as a way to break the ice with girls. It’s the verbal punch in the arm that says, “I dig you.” It can be cute, it can be playful, but it can also be your downfall.

This is the slippery slope of sarcasm.

I went on a first date with such a jester once. It started out fine. He took a few gentle jabs at me on the car ride to dinner and it was funny (ish).

But after he mocked me about how high my heels were, my outfit, how long it took me to order my food, the way I ordered my food and then finally how I ate my food, I stopped mid-bite, stood up and put my coat on (that he had made fun of earlier) and walked out.

As I stood on the street trying to hail a cab and plotting his death, he came running out after me. “What’s wrong with you?” he called out. “I was just kidding! Can’t you take a joke?

[pullquote]“You’re a joke!” I snapped back (my comebacks are always terrible when I’m upset).[/pullquote]

I didn’t come here for a roast,” I said as a cab pulled up. Then I flipped him a freshly manicured bird out the cab window as we pulled away.

What did we learn here?

Sarcastic jokes are really just insults when you don’t really know somebody. Also, I seriously need to work on some good comebacks.

Sarcasm can be even more deadly in an ongoing relationship.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt – but it can also breed sarcasm.

Approaching Sarcasm in Relationships – The Right Way

Once the relationship has progressed into something more meaningful, women want to see outside the sandbox thinking.

They want a man who can say what he feels and make them feel loved and appreciated. For realsies.

They may even want … GET READY FOR IT … a card now and again that says something romantic on it.


With hearts and a bear and EVERYTHING. And no one wants a card that says, “Dear Sarah, I hope this card makes you happy FOR ONCE.

When used too often, sarcasm in relationships can give the impression that you’re not taking her seriously. If you’re constantly making fun of her, even if you think you’re being HILARIOUS, it can end up making her feel belittled and stupid.

Over time it can truly damage her self-esteem.

Sarcasm can actually mask the real problems in relationships. Instead of communicating directly, snarky comments, bitter remarks and taunts are used to express disagreements.

He says sarcastically, “Thanks for getting around to doing the dishes today.

She thinks, “Did I not do the dishes today? Did I do them wrong? Do I not wash them regularly? Does he think I’m lazy? Is this even about the dishes? Or is he actually COMPLIMENTING ME?

And the next thing you know, you’re stuck in a Darren Aronofsky film.

Being sarcastic towards her in front of other people is also risky.


You may think you’re being charming by poking fun at your beloved, but you’re going to make yourself AND your lady look bad. Or, worse, your friends may all chime in and start making fun of her as well. Is it all fun and games or are you going to lose an eye?

Don’t get me wrong. I think sarcasm in relationships can be funny.

I love a well-placed quip at my expense now and again. Being able to laugh at yourself is a good quality to have; however, you need to be selective when to use it.

It’s like that guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade warned, “You must choose, but choose wisely.

If you choose poorly with sarcasm, get ready to fall through the cracks like that dude who drank from the wrong cup. I bet he was SUPER SARCASTIC, probably like, “Okay, old guy, I’ll drink from the wrong cup and something REALLY bad’s gonna happen. Suuuure.” And bye-bye.

When it comes to sarcasm in realtionships, you have to be careful with your partner.

When in doubt, there are a lot of other things to make fun of out there instead. Like smart cars, skinny jeans or the Kardashians.

sarcasm in relationships elizaEliza Bayne is a writer and producer living in Los Angeles.  She enjoys short walks on long piers, pierogies and making people laugh. Follow her on Twitter to experience her warped mind to the fullest: @elizabayne  and visit

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