How to flirt on twitter
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With a variety of ways to communicate in the modern age, do you know how to flirt on twitter?

Online dating has blown up over the last several years.  With sites such as EHarmony, OKCupid and even Grindr popping up, many people are finding their “romantic” partners on the world wide interwebs.  However, there is one website that wasn’t intentionally created for romance, but is becoming the trending destination for hook ups.

And that website is Twitter.

Twitter accounts can be personality Cliffs Notes in getting to know someone.  With only 140 characters at a time to speak your mind, Twitter is like speed-dating with your fingers. And because Twitter isn’t overtly a dating site, it takes the pressure off. Slightly.

So, if you’re single, you need to learn to tweet STAT and here are some DO’s and DON’TS.

How to Flirt on Twitter

DO use a good picture of yourself as your avatar.  Make sure it’s current – not one from ten years ago when you were 15 pounds lighter and didn’t have a soul patch.  Note:  if you do currently have a soul patch, what are you even doing?

DON’T have a creepy avatar, i.e., Hannibal Lecter – I don’t care how much you liked the movie.  If you’re on twitter and hoping to meet a woman, maybe tuck that one between your legs for now.  The same goes for your Twitter user name.  Aliases are fine, but if it’s something along the lines of JAXOFF247, it might be time to re-think your name and perhaps your life choices in general.

DO follow people you think are interesting.  Who you follow says a lot about who you are (or who you want people to think you are).  For example, following the ASPCA and the Dalai Llama might look better than following the entire Kardashian Clan.

DON’T follow a crap-ton of porn stars. Women are very curious creatures and will always delve into the abyss of who you are following to see what they can unearth. Remember Megan in Biology class who always got A’s because of her intricate research?  ALL women are Megans when it comes to finding out about potential suitors and could be scared off by your XXX BABEZ.

DO try to make your tweets witty and/or interesting.  Your goal is to get the person that you “like-like” to follow you back.  If this is too much pressure for you, try re-tweeting other people who are witty or interesting.  Hitch your tweet wagon to a Twitter star, like comedians @RobDelaney or @RobHuebel or @RobRiggle – or any other Robs, really.

DON’T be whiny guy.  Look, I’m sorry that your car got towed, that your rent got raised and that you have a strange rash on your upper thigh.  But no one wants to read about it on your timeline.  You sound like you’re about as much fun as a prostate exam.  Cheer up, buttercup!

DO respond to her tweets.  This can be done simply by clicking the favorite button on her tweets, or re-tweeting them. Then, when you’re feeling bold, you can reply with something insightful, a funny quip or even a good ol’ smiley face.   Note: if using a smiley face, make sure you don’t use a sad face by accident.  You’d be surprised where this mistake can take you. Trust me.

DON’T reply to every single woman you’re interested in on Twitter.  Casting a wide net may help on “The Deadliest Catch,” but in the Twitter sea of love, it’s better to focus on just a few.  Women want to feel special and if she sees that you’re replying to a batch of ladies on your timeline with “S’up?” she’ll think you’re a player.  And you’re not a player, are you? No, you’re a nice guy and you want to meet a nice lady.

DO be patient.  Even after they follow you back, you don’t want to plunge right into a Direct Message yet.  Take it slow like smooth jazz.  Slightly increase the rate at which you reply to her, DEPENDING on how she reacts to your replies.  I’m sure Bill Nye has a formula for this somewhere.  I’ll get back to you.

DON’T harass women into following or replying back.  Agro-replying to someone with “Hey, thx 4 NVR responding – WTH is UR prob?” is not going to get someone to follow you back!  Chances are you’ll just get blocked.  Also, if this is your idea of wooing a lady, I suggest you dial back the steroids and enroll in charm school, OK, CHAD?

DO send a friendly Direct Message if she has been responding to your public replies.  Put on some soft rock, scatter rose petals and light the candles, son!  Now is your chance to ask her out.

DON’T take it personally if she’s not interested.  There are plenty of other ladies out there in the Twitterverse.  The one thing about meeting people online is that not everyone is how they seem.  Maybe she already has a boyfriend/husband, maybe her photo isn’t even really her in her avatar.  Maybe she is actually a he.  Don’t give up.  Get back in the ring! Be like Chumbawamba – when they got knocked down, they got back up again.  Besides… there’s always Facebook.

how to flirt on twitter eliza
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Eliza Bayne is a writer and producer living in Los Angeles.  She enjoys short walks on long piers, pierogies and making people laugh. Follow her on Twitter to experience her warped mind to the fullest: @elizabayne  and visit elizabayne.com.