At some point in a guy’s life it’s bound to happen and so many end up taking a devastating approach to her offer.
Today you are going to learn not only why she says let’s just be friends, but how you can come out of the situation as a better as a man.
Applying what you’re about to discover in your personal life will give you an enhanced sense of self and character.
You’ll have the ability to form healthier relationships moving forward.
It’s also going to reduce and/or eliminate you being banished to the ‘let’s just be friends’ zone.
Realize You’re Just Playing Boyfriend
It’s an all too familiar situation.
Guy likes girl.
Girl likes guy – but not as much.
Guy breaks out his shining armor and does everything he can within his power to be the right guy for her.
He’s doing the right thing.
At least that’s what all women, including his mom, have told him since birth.
Girl remains somewhat indifferent romantically, not really invested in him, and chooses not to connect on any other levels.
Guy does not recognize this for what it is, but continues on his quest, tries even harder, because maybe (just maybe!) she’ll see him for the great and amazing man he is and they’ll live happily ever after.
This crucial scenario is not even really gender-specific and many women go through this same struggle for attention, too.
The definition of a unbalanced (and sometimes even un-healthy) relationship is when one person ends up putting in more time, energy, or effort than the other.
If you continue to trail just a few steps behind her, chasing and chasing, then odds are you’ve also been in a situation where she says let’s just be friends.
If you have a high number of ‘female friends’ that you regularly hang out with but you are not non-exclusively dating or romantically involved with any of them, sorry, but you’re in the let’s just be friends zone.
Have you spent days or nights wondering why she’s involved with another guy when the two of you should be together?
Does she offer you little time or attention but expect it in healthy doses from you?
Are you providing her with all the attention and benefits she needs, but you’re not getting anything from her in return?
Buying her gifts? Showing her with praise? Fixing things for her to prove your worthiness?
Has the frustration, and possibly resentment, started to ooze it’s way into your mind yet?
If any of the above ring true, you’re just playing boyfriend, man.
You’re the nice guy, dependable, and always there.
You’re such a good listener and unlike all the other guys.
When she says let’s just be friends it shatters you but you agree just so you can hang on her in some way.
Then you proceed to to let this tortuous cycle hold you back and you miss out on a more productive life.
It’s comfy, cozy, and reassuring for her to have a large number of ‘guy friends’ that she could turn to at any time she pleases.
They’re all just like you and they, too, will drop what their doing to answer her call or text and come to her rescue.
This allows her to fulfill a number of her biological, psychological, and social needs.
You foolishly remove any other dating prospects from your black book, for her, in hopes that she’ll view your commitment to her as some noble and honorable gesture.
This destroys and distances you from a number of your biological, psychological and social needs.
Can you now see the double standard here?
It’s no wonder why this is such a common issue among men all over the world.
Men are being conditioned to behave in a way which in-turn churns out the opposite of what is actually desired.
Why She Says Let’s Just Be Friends
Let’s just be friends (LJBF) is a widely used and almost ancient way for a women to nicely reject a man.
Yes, let’s just clear the air now and call it what it is – a rejection mechanism.
A woman has a good reason to LJBF you.
It’s an easy way for her to avoid hurting your feelings.
In the same regard, the following phrases are also covert ways to reject:
“I just don’t see you that way”
“We’d be better off as friends”
“You’re like a brother to me”
These all equate to her not seeing or believing you are important or worthy as a boyfriend or sexual partner.
It may also mean there’s no spark or level of attraction that would warrant dating or the courting process with you.
She has better options than you right now or motives that would conflict with entering some form of an interpersonal relationship with you.
Don’t be mistaken here, she may legitimately like you as a person and care about your feelings.
She’s doing this not to hurt you and this is the best way to do that while avoiding the possibility for confrontation/conflict.
When she says let’s just be friends it places the responsibility on you.
She’s camouflaging her rejection of you as an offer of friendship.
While she may genuinely want to be friends and be around you, it’s only going to cause you serious damage (which we’ll cover very soon).
The ball is in now your court and the responsibility is passed on to you.
The underlying and huge problem for a man who’s been dealt this card by a woman is fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of losing the person you may care about, or worse, believing that she is ‘the one and only’ for you.
Losing the idea or thought of something like finding your mythical ‘one’ can be devastating.
Over time you dump more and more emotional energy and build this ideal picture of her in your mind.
The idea of what you want her to be for you takes over all rational thinking and logic.
Even men in bad or abusive relationships will keep their blinders on and continue to chase her.
He’d rather be with someone, anyone, than die all alone or dismiss the fact that there’s no such thing as ‘the one’.
When the wish, desire, and drive to want something so bad (her) overtakes your rationale bad things tend to happen.
The value that is placed on her outweighs your own value, in-turn making you much less attractive, less appealing and less of what she is looking for in a man.
This is one of the reasons so many relationships fail.
Here’s a vital truth you need to realize about relationships:
A woman’s true intent can only be identified by her behavior.
Have you ever heard any of these?
“I really like you but..”
“Sorry, but we should try to hang out sometime though…”
“I can’t make it. Maybe another night…”
Women are true masters of double-speak and concealing their real message.
Becoming aware to this means that no matter what she says or tells you, her actions and behavior will always dictate her true intentions.
Of course, there really are legitimate reasons she may not be able to see you or spend time with you.
We can’t always be available nor should it be expected either.
Work, family, emergencies, illness, and a number of things can crop up at any time.
But if she’s not offering up concrete alternatives or at least the effort to explain or re-schedule, then you must look to where you fall on her priority scale.
Women who really want to be with a man will move heaven and earth to be with him.
They do not find the time- they make it.
How she acts towards you will give you all the information you need to assess whether there is potential for more between the two of you.
It’s also going to be an indicator that you may need to do something so important you may not even believe it yourself…
The LJBF Solution
So what is it that a guy must do when she says let’s just be friends?
I’m going to get pretty blunt now because this needs to be realized.
Some will be offended. Many will deny this. Others will dismiss it all together.
Either way, this has to be accepted and implemented if any real change is ever going to happen for you.
First, let me say that it’s perfectly alright to have friends who are of the opposite sex- but with one caveat.
There can not be any of level of attraction in the friendship.
Men and women can be platonic friends as long as there is no attraction or feelings that create an imbalance.
All healthy relationships (personal, professional, platonic) are rooted in mutual benefit.
When one side provides more time, effort, financial backing or emotional investment/energy, the relationship becomes lopsided.
Things move from win-win to win-lose with one party reaping all the benefits and rewards of the relationship at the sacrifice or compromise of the other.
If you really sit back and look at it – this is where so many guys go wrong.
Now, let’s say the ‘let’s just be friends’ talk has just surfaced.
You have two options.
1) You can agree and remain friends.
This is the route most guys take.
Soon he’s lumped in that LJBF zone with all those other guys who want her but will never have her.
She reaps all the benefits by having you as her fill-in boyfriend while you chase her around like a lost puppy dog.
You hold on to this ridiculous misconception that if you could just show her what an awesome friend you are, all the while masking your real intentions and attraction towards her, she’ll somehow come around and fall for you like the end of a far-fetched Rom-Com.
Real life doesn’t work this way.
It’s putting the cart before the horse and it will end up backfiring in your face.
Eventually you gather the balls to really make your move and she ends up shocked to realize your true intentions.
She doesn’t see you that way. She thought you were just friends. Tsk-tsk.
See the disconnect here?
If not, you’re going to hate or deny the reality of the true thing a real man should do when she says let’s just be friends.
2) You respectfully decline the opportunity for friendship.
Yes, you read that correctly.
It may seem counterintuitive but you end the friendship and leave.
This is where most men are afraid to come off as jerks or assholes (fear again) but in all actuality, the responsibility of this entire situation lies in whichever party decides they don’t want more from the other (male or female).
It’s imperative to differentiate between a mutual fondness (and respect, consideration, etc.) and a lopsided relationship dynamic.
If you’re the one who makes the effort or cares, and they don’t, it’s only going to create resentment and frustration.
Before you know it the friendship dissolves over hard feelings (when she starts to date men that are not you) and everyone loses.
It’s absolutely necessary for you to gauge a person’s interest or motives based on their behavior and actions, not just their words, sayings, or implications.
Remember that she’s moving you to the friend-zone when she says let’s just be friends so there is no interest in a romantic relationship on her part.
If you obviously have feelings for her that are not platonic it’s going work horribly against you to continue playing ‘friends’.
Besides, what good can come from investing your time, emotion and energy in a person who cannot, or will not, reciprocate?
How could you really love someone who can’t love you?
When you become awake to the facts and reality of all this the situation tends to lose a lot of its gravity, doesn’t it?
In no other areas of our life would we ever invest so heavily into something and get nothing in return.
You wouldn’t show up to your job and work a full 8 hour day without receiving a payment for your time and service.
If you hired a personal trainer to assist you with losing weight or gaining muscle and after a few months they didn’t provide you with any sort of value you would not continue to pay them.
When a buddy of yours asks you to borrow your truck every time he sees you, you’re not going to make it a point to keep running into him, are you?
So then, why on earth would you invest your most precious commodities (your time and emotional energy) in someone (or the idea of someone) not willing to reciprocate?
As men, we must begin to understand the true intent and ramifications behind “let’s just be friends” and women (whether they realize they’re doing this or not) must, too.
If there would ever be a chance that she would pursue a romantic relationship with it’s not going to be anytime soon after she says let’s just be friends.
It’s definitely not going to happen if you choose to continue on as ‘friends’ offering her all the emotional support she asks for and getting nothing in return.
Walk away from her offer to be friends entirely.
This is your go-to response.
A man who wishes to share his time and attention with a women who does not wish to do the same in return must simply turn the ‘let’s just be friends’ offer down.
By doing this you’re making the decision on your own terms and for the betterment of yourself and each other.
Women who get it will understand, those who don’t may take offense.
Some may even re-think their decision as they start to see you for the man you’re actually being in the moment.
Decisiveness, confidence, independence and the ability to value your own time are all attractive qualities.
Along with the right mix of chemistry and attraction those qualities are all representative of men who are admired and sought after by women.
So, next time you’re faced with her saying let’s just be friends you’ll know exactly what to do.
Break the cycle. Change the paradigm once and for all and start living on your own terms.
Be the man you want to be and you become the man they want.
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