why is her sex drive so low 1A common question asked by men is “why is her sex drive so low?”

In the beginning of a relationship most couples’ are incredibly active and passionate.

You can’t get enough of each other and this desire translates into a high sex drive for both involved.

You may even develop your own rituals, a favorite way of spending an evening together: great food, a movie, followed by some fun in the bedroom.

After a few months, sometimes without even realizing it, you may keep it to just dinner and a movie.   Be careful not to leave out the third ingredient…

If you love each other and have managed to build a healthy, stable relationship but your sex life has become stale, you need to make sure you’re doing what you can to increase her sex drive.

If she’s making excuses or says she’s not in the mood, you need to understand why and what you can do turn her on.

Understanding Where Her Sex Drive Comes From

A new couple has a lot of sexual energy. Thanks to number of physiological and emotional reactions new lovers behave like they’re on amphetamines.  Perhaps this explains why it’s said that two people have “chemistry” between them.

Unfortunately, after a while they become immune to this substance.  They start to feel other emotions more strongly: respect, attachment and… boredom. 

You have to water plants to get them to thrive.  The same analogy applies to her sex drive – the less you have sex, the less you need it.  If you don’t have sex you’ll lose the sexual tension between you and your partner.

Females are acutely sensitive to these changes in tension and you should pay attention to them too.

Maybe you’ve lost her interest not in just the bedroom, but in other ways as well, and the overall quality of your contacts has decreased.

Tension is something that needs to be carefully maintained between two lovers.  Focus on self-development and try doing some things to show your partner another, more exciting side of yourself.

Spend quality time “with your wife” not “next to your wife.”  Act like you’re still dating, when everything was exciting and less secure.  Take her out for dinner but avoid talking about things from home.

Try to impress your way back into her mind, heart and bed again…

So, Why Is Her Sex Drive So Low?

Now let’s take a look at some of the reason behind why you may asking yourself, or her, why her sex drive is so low.

She doesn’t feel comfortable with her body

We all change over the years, especially our bodies, and not exactly in a way we usually desire…  Maybe she feels insecure when she notices new wrinkles or those 10 pounds she gained over the last couple years?

Make her feel beautiful!

When was the last time you gave her a true compliment?  Encourage her to go to the salon, and take her shopping for some new underwear.  Nowadays underwear happens to be ingeniously engineered to boost her self-esteem and also make your bedroom a few degrees hotter!

Stress is a killer

Low libido is one of the most common problems among young couples.  We work too much and have too much stress.

We have unstable career paths, competition and too many digital distractions… Our grandparents slept together because there wasn’t much else to do at night!

Stop bringing your work home and help your wife with what she has to do.  If she complains about you not having time to for her, stop what you’re doing and help her.

Make sure that she’s not the only one taking care of the home and kids.  Maybe instead of saving money for a new car, you could find some extra money and hire a cleaning lady or nanny to help your wife out during the week and let her relax.

Blame is never one-sided

How good is your performance in bed?  If you’ve gained weight or are struggling with common sexual problems such as premature ejaculation erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety, try solving your men’s issues for your relationship’s sake.

Of course, we’re only human and nobody expects us to be sex gods.  Sex is mostly mental and with the right activities you can satisfy your wife or girlfriend even after years of being together.

Foreplay is the key to success.

Whether or not you know each other perfectly, women need to be “warmed up” mentally and physically.  When you approach your partner don’t act like it’s only about intercourse.

Don’t just engage her body with foreplay.

First, stimulate her mind.  Have a conversation with her, draw a bath, light some candles, and ask her about things that are important to her.

She might have hormonal problems

Keep in mind that birth control pills can impact her attitude toward sex.

Sometimes the main contraceptive value of contraceptive pills isn’t the substance inside… but the complete loss of sex drive.

Triple phase birth control pills are easier for most women to adjust for a regular period.  Suggest that she discusses any hormone issues with her doctor.

Bad habits before going to bed

Do you have a TV in your bedroom?

Do you like having fatty snacks before going to bed?

Then forget about great sex!

Remove your TV from your bedroom and try exercising with your wife or taking the dog for a walk.  Physical activity boosts testosterone, which plays a role in your sex drive.

Pay attention to your dietary habits at home.  Eat your last meal no later than 3 hours before going to bed.

If your wife is dieting she may experience significant decreases in her libido.


The proximity between two people often leads to more creativity, leaving them open to new ideas.  However, it can also work the opposite way.

Sex with the same partner can become boring.

To have different sexual experiences you don’t have to change sexual partners, you just have to change the way you have sex.  Maybe she’d like to try something new in the bedroom, different positions, sex toys, and interesting places?

Talk to her about her expectations and ask her how you could better please her.

Sometimes decreased libido is part of the life cycle

Throughout the human life cycle we have different needs.

It’s been shown that a woman reaches her sexual peak around age 30.    During the early part of her period her sex drive will be higher.

You have to accept her needs (or lack of them) and cooperate during a relationship.

After pregnancy, she may feel less horny because she’s focused on her child.  The level of passion in a relationship fluctuates throughout our life, that’s what we have to accept sometimes, but we can work and change if we want to.

The question “Why is her sex drive so low?” becomes less and less of a problem to understand or worry about when you arm yourself with the proper knowledge.

why is her sex drive so low sarah williamsSarah Williams is a freelance writer that is passionate about psychology. After several relationships and a LOT of dates, she shares her honest love and dating tips on Wingman Magazine. After all, she is just a hopeless romantic trying to figure it all out.

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